Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?

When I woke up on September 11, 2001, my biggest concern was that my hair was going to get messed up for picture day. I got dressed in my favorite shirt and had my mom do my hair all fancy. I was so worried that our pictures wouldn’t be taken until after we had DARE, for which we needed to wear our DARE shirts, which meant pulling a shirt over my fancy hairdo.

I don’t remember a whole lot about getting ready, but I do sort of remember that my mom got a phone call. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, and nothing was out of the ordinary until I got to school.

When I got to school, we went through the normal routine. We said the Pledge of Allegiance and the morning announcements were read. Then the administrator got on the loud speaker and said something about remembering to keep the victims from the plane crashes in Washington in our prayers. I remember thinking that it was just some small plane crash in a field in Washington state.

As soon as he got off the loud speaker, my teacher had us sit in a circle on the floor. I chose a spot against the cold, cement wall. She sat us down and first told us that DARE was cancelled. I was very relieved to hear that my hairdo was not going to be ruined. She proceeded told us that two planes had been hijacked and flown into the World Trade Center buildings in New York City, another plane was flown into the Pentagon in Washington, DC, and yet another plane was flown into a field in Pennsylvania. I remember feeling fearful. I remember thinking is a plane going to come and fly into the wall that I am leaning against right now? Being 10 years old, I was old enough to somewhat understand what was going on, but at the same time, this was something far beyond my comprehension.

I remember being told that many other tall, important buildings throughout the country were being evacuated, such as the Sears Tower in Chicago. One of my classmates had an aunt who worked there and I remember him expressing concern about her. I don’t remember a whole lot about school that day, only what happened right when I got there and right when I got home.

When I came home, I remember my mom telling me that the phone call she received earlier in the morning was her mom, informing her of the attacks. She didn’t want to scare us, so she didn’t tell us.

I remember my dad coming home and our family sitting down for dinner and something just seemed a little off. There were no “how was school today” questions being asked. Instead, the TV was on a news station and images of the towers falling were being played over and over again.

I remember when President Bush addressed the nation. Good evening. Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. I remember hearing those words come out of the President’s mouth. I remember watching it with my family and feeling terribly confused and fearful.

Looking back on that fateful day 10 years ago, I can see evidence of a changed nation. I remember hearing stories about people coming together and supporting one another. I remember hearing about how blood banks had gotten more than enough donations and more people started attending church on Sundays. I remember baseball’s comeback, especially to New York. I remembered heightened security everywhere, whether it was a sporting event or an airport. I remember looking upon firefighters, EMTs, and police officers as heroes.

I am in a unique spot in my life; being 20 years old, the September 11 attacks happened right in the middle of my lifetime. As it stands right now, half of my life was lived in a pre-9/11 culture and the other half (and ongoing half) has been lived in a post-9/11 culture. I don’t remember a whole lot about American society before this tragedy occurred, but I know that it has shaped today’s culture immensely.

We'll make it there sooner or later

Today while I was wasting time between classes, I overheard a conversation between a girl and the woman making her coffee. The two women were asking how each other was doing, and the older woman said, “Everyday is a blessing.” It was a very short interaction but it left me thinking for quite some time. Everyday is a blessing. The woman noted that she has healthy children and a job, and couldn’t ask for anything more. I love that attitude.

In this life, we were created for one purpose and one purpose only. We were created to lead others to Christ using the talents and abilities He’s blessed us with. We weren’t created to acquire as much stuff as humanly possible. We weren’t created to talk behind each other’s backs. We came into this world with nothing, and we can take nothing with us when we leave it. In fact, each day is not guaranteed. That’s probably the biggest thing we take for granted. We automatically assume that when we lay our heads down at night, we will see another sunrise. It’s so easy to get into that mindset, because I have to admit, in the 7,483 days that I’ve been alive, I’ve never gone to sleep thinking that this might be my last night alive. Well, actually I did have that thought once when I was extremely ill, but that’s not exactly the point. It’s hard to break old habits, such as thinking that every morning is guaranteed. After all, when you’ve been doing so for the past 7,000 or so days, I’d say that would be a habit. Everyday is a blessing.

We are so quick to assume that bad things can’t happen to us because we’re very self-centered. Even those of us who generally put others ahead of themselves can’t help but sometimes think about indulging in our own needs. It’s just our human (sin) nature to put ourselves first. Everyday is a blessing. We must remember that we were put on earth for a purpose greater than to impress someone with our knowledge or engage in self-centered activities. We were placed on this earth to further the kingdom of God. That is no small task. Yet if we are firmly rooted in our faith, living out God’s will for our lives becomes sort of a habit. The longer you engage in something, the more routine (or habitual) it becomes. The more you read your Bible, the closer you will get to God. The closer you get to God, the more you will realize His plans for your life. You see, the more you do something, the more familiar it becomes to you. Everyday is a blessing. Let us not forget what our real purpose on this earth is. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, yet we always think that tomorrow seems like a good time to start doing what we’re supposed to be doing now. Everyday is a blessing. If you truly believe that, live like it’s true (I’m speaking this to myself as well! If anyone needs to hear it, trust me, it’s definitely me!).

Hard to know what you got or you're meant to be

I recently came across a new song by Mat Kearney, who along with Jon Foreman, may be my favorite singer/songwriter. He just always seems to write things that are extremely relevant to my life. This new song that I found does just that. Life has been throwing me some curveballs lately, and sometimes they're a bit difficult to figure out. But this song reminds me that if I keep chasing after what the Lord's plans are for me, things will work out and I will eventually see the bigger picture.

Chasing the Light

Every bridge that you keep on burning

Every leaf that you keep on turning

Every road that you find uncertain

Pray for you now, baby that you'll figure it out

As you keep chasing the light

Remember back when you slept on my floor

Blow-up mattress down by the door

Ten pounds heavier from wasted time

We didn't know we were way out of line

From the moment that you popped out on the scene

Hard to know what you got or you're meant to be

Everything that you know goes flying

From Johnny O's couch to a gypsy bus island

Holding hands with people in life

Till they walk away saying no goodbyes

And you keep saying that you're running down a dream

But you don't know where it leads

As you keep chasing the light

Every bridge that you keep on burning

Every leaf that you keep on turning

Every road that you find uncertain

Pray for you now, baby that you'll figure it out

As you keep chasing the light

Got the call that you sent out yesterday

Forty lines and a fallout holiday

On my knees with the weight that was mine

Think about you when I'm driving at night

Familiar sounds and it takes me right back there

Bridge Street and the beat in the summer air

Was it easier to watch you feet

And never deal with the hell that a young boy sees

Where liquor runs thicker than blood

On your own when push comes to shove

Before we had these mouths to feed with innocent dreams

While you keep chasing the light

Every bridge that you keep on burning

Every leaf that you keep on turning

Every road that you find uncertain

Pray for you now, baby that you'll figure it out

Every hope and dream that's dying

Every time that I see you crying

Pray for you now, baby that you'll figure it out

Remember hearing Dylan's first songs first

Remember writing down a train wreck verse

We were running down Franklin High School lights

Burning alive in a Chevrolet night

Remember driving out to Salton Sea

Dreaming 'bout all we thought we'd be

One-way tickets into southern lights

Slammed the door and said goodbye, goodbye

Every bridge that you keep on burning

Every leaf that you keep on turning

Every road that you find uncertain

Pray for you now, baby that you'll figure it out

It's funny how life is seldom what you plan

The older I get, the more I’m convinced that things actually do work out for you, even if at first, it doesn’t seem that way. God always has a plan for you, and it just might be that your plan wasn’t His, and of course, God’s plan is always going to work out.

I’ve just been amazed by how things have fallen into place for me this summer. I definitely did not expect to be sitting at home typing this right now. If I had my way, I would be playing with little kids at a camp in Bellevue, Washington. But God had better plans for me; plans that I didn’t necessarily want at first. But now that I’m in the middle of all this, I can say, it’s better than anything I could’ve wanted.

Three months ago, I was getting over the disappointment of having to let go of an opportunity to go out to Washington state to work at a Christian camp. About a week after that, I got really sick, and it continued until about the middle of May. As soon as I got home from school at the beginning of May, I finally got a glimpse as to why this summer wasn’t the time for me to go to camp. I was very disappointed about it in March, but after I got sick, I realized it probably wouldn’t be much fun to be running around with little kids when you feel under the weather.

God took care of it all. He knew I was going to get sick. He also knew that things were going to work out so that I could make decent money over the summer so I (potentially) don’t need to worry about working during the school year. You see, I applied for work at a handful of places during my first few weeks of summer. Out of the blue, I got a call back from Subway saying they wanted an interview. When I got there, the first thing that the manager said was that I had gotten a rave review from one of the employees who worked there. Apparently, a girl I knew from high school worked there, saw my application, and recommended me to the manager. Because of her, I got the job.

My first few days were a little hectic, but now I’ve been working there for a month and I’m getting into the swing of things. And apparently I’m doing something right because I’ve already been in charge of closing up at night with people who were hired after me. They trust me a lot, and that’s a huge compliment for me. I try not to toot my own horn, but I really do appreciate it when people recognize the hard work that I do for them. I always try to do my best, and I’m glad that my employer has recognized that. In fact, I got a raise before I even earned a paycheck. I am just humbled by the gratitude they’ve shown me already.

In addition to working, I am filling my summer with an online class and many Brewers games. As much as I wished I could be in Seattle having a blast, I have to say that I am blessed to be at home enjoying the relaxing season of summer. It’s the simple things, really, that keep me satisfied. Whether it’s accomplishing a lot at work, having a lazy day-off from work, or going to a Brewers game with my mom. I’ve also come to realize that the older I get, the more joy I find in the simple things.

I can definitely say that just a few months ago, I would have never guessed my summer would turn out the way it has. I also have to laugh, because I always told people that I never wanted to work in the food industry. And look who’s got a job at Subway for the summer. It’s funny how things work out, even if they don’t work out the way that you want them to. They always work out the way He wants them to. :)

It may not be the way I would've chosen, but You lead me through a world that's not my home

About this time last month, I was wrestling with a tough decision. I was offered a job at a summer camp on the other side of the country, and I really, really wanted it. But after talking with my parents, I realized that I would have to give up this opportunity. It hurt me to decide against it, and I wondered why I was ever offered the opportunity for it to just vanish. Now, a month later, I can say that I know at least a little bit why this wasn’t the summer for me to work at camp.

Almost two weeks ago, I fainted in class. It was a scary situation, and it lead to more health problems. I was confined to my bed for the remainder of the week, and I was completely miserable. I was so miserable that I came home from school to see my doctor and rest under the care of my parents. The day before I left to go home, the doctor I visited down at school thought that I had a problem with my thyroid. That was also a huge reason that I went home, so that my doctor could check up on this. After three doctor appointments in seven days, it was determined that I needed to see a specialist. As much as I wasn’t looking forward to another doctor appointment, this was the most beneficial appointment I had been to. I was given medication and a lot of follow-up instructions to make sure that my condition didn’t get worse.

That sounds pretty dismal, and trust me, right now it kind of is. But I had a realization the other night when I was trying to think (unfortunately, feeling scatterbrained is a symptom of my illness). God knew that this was going to happen to me. He also knew that about a month before, I was going to have to turn down an opportunity that I really wanted. Coincidence? I don’t think so. God knew what was going on all along. Unfortunately for me, it may not be what I would’ve wanted, but everything happens for a reason.

It takes more than you’ve got right now, so give it time

I don’t like feeling helpless. I know that from time to time, I’m prone to feel that way, but it really isn’t something I like. For the most part, I’m pretty independent. I can get by alone without the help of others. But sometimes, it just doesn’t work out.

For example, the other day in class, I fainted for the very first time. I was completely helpless; I lost control of my body. It was a scary situation because I didn’t know what was happening, and also embarrassing because I completely lost control in front of 40 people I don’t know that well. I had to be helped to the nurse and from there, they waited on my every need. They put me in a wheelchair and took me to a hospital bed (thank the Lord my class was in the nursing building!), gave me food and drink, and took care of me. From there, they transferred me to the real nurse’s office across campus, and I got a ride. When I was checked out at the nurse’s office, I stayed for an extra hour so they could check on me again. I was given a pillow and blanket to sleep while I waited. There was nothing that I had to worry about because it was all taken care of. In a way, it completely humbled me, because it showed me that I don’t always have it all together. There will be times when I can’t do things on my own and I need someone else’s help. I don’t know how many times I said “thank you so much” to people.

All of that got me thinking about how God is like the people who took care of me yesterday. There are times in this life when I can’t do things on my own. Okay, actually all the time I can’t do things on my own. I wasn’t created to do things solo anyway. God created us with a longing and a need for Him. God wants to take care of us. He wants us to completely surrender to His will for our lives. He wants to be in control every day and in every situation.

Do you love me enough to let me go

This past week I encountered the first time that I had to let go of something that I really, really wanted. I've made a lot of decisions in my life, and this was easily one of the hardest. It's extremely difficult to let go of something that you really want, but until you do so, you'll just be suffering. I learned that through first-hand experience, unfortunately.

I applied to work at a summer camp in Seattle for the summer, and things just fell into place. Three weeks after I applied, I was doing homework and I was interested by this place in a book I was reading. I looked it up and found out it was a place in Seattle, and not even a second later, my phone was ringing and it was this summer camp, based out of Seattle. A week later, I got a few more phone calls from them, and it was confirmed that I had gotten the job. Pending approval from my parents, I told them I would take the job. I got extremely excited about this opportunity, and after talking to my parents on the phone about it, my hopes were higher than ever. When I came home later that week and I talked with my parents face-to-face about it, the hope I had started to dwindle. I had been envisioning my summer away since I got the first phone call. I had made up my mind that I would be spending my summer in Seattle, and nothing was going to change that. I still clung to the hope after my parents had basically told me no for the first time. I figured there had to be a way around it, because why would everything have fallen into place if I wasn't supposed to go? I got myself worked up the whole week, trying to devise a way to sneakily purchase plane tickets, among other things.

When I'm serious about something, I pursue it all-out. I was completely committed to going to camp, and when those plans were blocked, I didn't know what to do. I'm a little embarrassed to admit, but I got myself way too worked up over this situation, when (basically) the whole time, I knew what the outcome was going to be. I knew that my parents had made up their minds, and I didn't want to challenge their authority. So the night before my birthday, I decided to talk with them about a possible way for me to go to camp. This was definitely not one of my smartest decisions, because it put me in a terrible mood. Thankfully, with the guidance of a few friends, I was able to finally surrender this issue to God. I had been trying to do so all week, but I was too stubborn in my ways. I had my mind made up, and nothing was about to stop that. I knew that I had finally completely surrendered this to God because when I woke up on my birthday, I didn't feel the nagging feeling of "what do I say to convince my parents this time?" It was a wonderful feeling, especially considering it was my birthday. But it also made me realize that sometimes, we must give things up, even if they mean the world to us. We don't always know the reasons why we must, but if we are following in God's will, we know that God is only looking to give us the best.